I am ambiguous and in ambiguity I am able to change my body according to where I am and what I need to be. I am transparent and I am unable to shift how other’s perceive me but I try and shift how you think anyway.  

I look at an excess of images and contort myself, huffing and puffing while I film myself on my tiny iPhone screen to look like them, but I also look back. I have taken back control but I am also powerless. I want to look        d e s i r a b l e      but I also want to reject it.  

Shifting from the multiple bodies that I am and the singular body that I am, I become all of these contradictory selves at once and simultaneously none of them.

I am at once static and falling, I am at once resting and overthinking, I am at once lying and standing, I am at once lying and being honest, I am at once playing and serious, I am at once open and closed, I am at once different and passing, I am at once scrutinising and neglecting, I am at once a perfectionist and careless, I am at once insecure and confident, I am at once modest and vain, I am at once desirable and repulsive,